


Finding Acceptance

by nepenthe_writer



Series: WinterIron Bingo [14]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Scars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-22
Updated: 2019-09-22
Packaged: 2020-10-26 08:50:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20739527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nepenthe_writer/pseuds/nepenthe_writer
Summary: As Bucky spirals with self doubt he seeks reassurance from Tony





	Finding Acceptance

**Author's Note:**

> Square: I5 - "Accept me flaws and all" for the WinterIron Bingo

Bucky was worried. It took a lot to get him worked up but right now was definitely one of those times and he didn’t see many positive ways out of the situation that he had found himself in.

For the last three months he had been flirting with Tony trying to get the genius to notice him as more than just Steve’s best friend from back before the war. Things had even been progressing fairly well in that arena as well. Tony would flirt back with him with seemingly more interest than when he was just flirting out of habit though nothing had currently progressed any further than that.

On the one hand that made Bucky’s heart soar that maybe there was a ray of light for him in a world that had been so gray for so long. On the other hand it made his stomach twist in nerves at the thought of getting close to Tony and then losing him. He had lost so much in his life already that Bucky wasn’t sure he could take losing anything else.

Everything about Tony in Bucky’s opinion was amazing and when he took a look at himself he could only find himself wanting. He was nothing more than a puppet that had been broken and stitched back together so many times that even he wasn’t sure what was left of the original man that he used to be. How could anyone, especially someone as amazing as Tony Stark, actually be interested in someone like him?

It was these spiraling thoughts that led him down to Tony’s lab in the middle of the night to bare his soul to the other man. What he was hoping for from this interaction even Bucky wasn’t completely certain. Did he want Tony to melt away his fears? Did he want Tony to agree with him that he wasn’t worth loving? Bucky wasn’t sure. All he knew was that he couldn’t keep living with this uncertainty within himself any longer and one way or another, he had to get a final answer.

In the lab Tony was sitting in his swivel chair playing a game of operation with U and Butterfingers while DUM-E stood by worriedly with a fire extinguisher pointing it at the game every time someone set the buzzer off.

Bucky paused in the doorway taking in the sight before him, giving himself one last chance to back out and continue the limbo of not knowing how things would turn out and therefore still live with the hope that they could possibly end in his favor. The sound of Tony’s laughter flooding through the room as U was able to pull one of the pieces out of the game only to drop it in his excitement.

It was that carefree laugh that decided things for Bucky. He wanted that, the happiness and love that Tony was capable of giving. Even if continuing to do nothing might protect his heart from possibly rejection it also meant Bucky couldn’t fully revel in the good things that he craved so badly.

Closing his eyes and taking a fortifying breath, Bucky steeled himself and stepped farther into the lab where Tony would be able to see him. The genius took quick notice of Bucky’s entrance and turned to face him, smile still wide on his face.

Seeing the attention on him Bucky took hesitant steps into the lab and closer to where Tony was sitting. It was that hesitation that caught Tony’s attention right away. Normally Bucky’s confident swagger had Tony’s blood heating in mere moments so the change in demeanor was a red flag of warning.

“Is everything okay?” Tony asked standing up and giving his full attention to the other man.

Bucky shook his head working himself up to speak what he had been thinking about on his way in here.

“I can’t keep going on the way that we have,” Bucky said trying to put his swirling thoughts into words that would make sense. “My head keeps going round and round about everything we do and everything you say and what it all means and if you really mean what you say because how could you. Not when it’s me that you’re talking about.”

Tony’s face was a myriad of emotions as he listened to Bucky speak. Confusion morphed into concern and pain for the other man as Bucky continued.

“You’re always going on about how amazing I am when I’m really not. I’m covered in scars, both physical and mental, from what Hydra did to me and I’m afraid that if I let you see, if I let this go farther then you’re going to realize just how damaged I am and that I’m not worth all of your time and effort,” Bucky said standing there, hands trembling just the slightest as he pulled his shirt off over his head, baring his body and soul to the man that he wanted more than anything to accept him. “I know I might not deserve it but I just want you to accept me, flaws and all. I know that’s asking for the impossible but I’m selfish and I’m asking anyway. So please, just tell me if you can do that.”

Tony’s eyes softened as he took in the pinched and worried look of the man in front of him. He knew what it was like to constantly be judged by other people and to push away those closest to him right when he needed them most out of fear of what might happen if you left things out of your own control. He knew what it was like to challenge others to show their true colors so that you could prepare for the worst. That was exactly what Bucky was doing and Tony wasn’t about to let it go on any further.

Grabbing hold of the bottom of his own shirt Tony yanked it off over his head and tossed it carelessly aside to stand in front of Bucky just as shirtless as the other man was. Scars from the initial bomb blast, Yinsen’s surgery on him, years of living with the arc reactor in his chest, and finally having the surgery to have the arc reactor removed had left his chest just as scarred and marked as Bucky’s shoulder was.

“Those aren’t flaws Sweetheart,” Tony said gently as he walked over to Bucky and placed one hand on the soldier where metal met flesh. “Those are marks of the life you’ve lived and the battles you’ve faced and survived. They show how strong and brave you are. They aren’t something to be ashamed of and certainly no reason for me not to want you.”

Bucky’s hands slowly came up and traced along the raised bits of flesh that marred Tony’s chest. Deft fingers followed one jagged line after another as he took in the other man’s words.

“Don’t feel like mine are battles won when I couldn’t escape them for over seventy years. I didn’t even get myself free. I’d still be their little puppet if it weren’t for Steve. You got yourself out of there in three months,” Bucky pointed out, not quite ready to accept what Tony had to say. It felt too easy and nothing in his life had ever been as easy as the way things had been going with the genius.

“That’s not true,” Tony argued as he placed his free hand over one of Bucky’s and leaned into the touch. “I wouldn’t have made it out of there alive if it wasn’t for Yinsen. He didn’t just save my life with the initial surgery. He kept me alive all those months and gave his life so that I could escape. No one goes through the things we did and comes out the other side all alone. We all had help along the way and that doesn’t make us weak or less worthy. It makes us stronger because just as we leaned on them when we couldn’t stand on our own, we also hold them up when they need the help. We’re a team and that’s what it means to be there for each other.

“Now if you don’t want to see where this is going between the two of us or if you want to slow things down just say the word and that’s what will happen. I care about you and nothing is going to change that. You can try but you won’t scare me away. I’ve got lots of experience pushing people away when they got too close to me so I recognize the signs and I’m not going to let that be what breaks us apart. You got me?”

Bucky nodded, throat feeling too closed up with emotion to try and force words passed it. Closing his eyes he tipped his head down until it was resting against the side of Tony’s and slipped one hand around Tony’s waist to pull the man closer to him. He had lost so much in his life and he was so afraid of Tony becoming just another thing that he’d lose. It would break his heart to lose Tony and he had thought that he might be able to salvage just a few tiny pieces of his damaged heart if he was the one to push Tony away of his own choice instead of having to wait around for Tony to find him wanting and then leave him.. Tony sticking around by his side was a dream that Bucky had been too afraid to hope for but now it was looking more and more possible.

Clutching Tony tighter to himself Bucky held on for all that he was worth, feeling as though if he were to let go of the other man right now he’d never get him back.

“Shh,” Tony hushed gently, bringing a hand up to rub soothingly along Bucky’s back. “Shh. It’s going to be alright Snowflake. I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere. You asked me to accept you and believe me when I say that I do. You’re everything that I could have ever hoped for and more and I don’t plan on letting you get away anytime soon if I have any say about it. The only way that I’m letting you go is if you ask me to.”

Bucky shook his head in denial but lighted his hold so he wouldn’t leave bruises behind. “Don’t want you to go anywhere. Want you right here with me,” he said.

“Then that’s exactly where I’ll be. There’s nowhere else I want to go. I accept you just the way you do for me and that’s not something I’m willing to lose over a few hurdles. I’ve gotten past so much in this life. This is just one more thing but this one we will fight together and together we can’t lose,” vowed Tony, Bucky’s face between his palms in reassurance.

Bucky’s eyes softened and relaxed at Tony’s words. Together sounded just perfect to him. Together with Tony was everything that he wanted.


End file.
